1 John 1:9 (NLT)
I knew the voice that whispered in my ear. I knew the peaceful, calm and loving voice. I knew it was Jesus Christ telling me to stretch my hand out to Him and allow Him to heal me. I knew He was reaching out to help and save me. It was up to me whether I wanted Him to or not.
My thoughts were telling me, “no, He won’t help you. You have done something horrible. He won’t forgive you”. My heart was saying, “reach out and grab the hand of Jesus. He will forgive you. He will set you free”. Everything in my body wanted Jesus to free me from the torment. I fell out on the floor and began crying so hard my body was shaking. I could hardly catch my breath. I don’t know how I got these words out, but I did, “HELP ME”!!!!!!
I closed my eyes and I prayed, “Father, please forgive me. Forgive me for allowing my sister to die alone. Forgive me for not looking after her. Not helping her. Forgive me for turning my back on you. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry”.
I laid on the floor for what seemed light an eternity. I looked up and saw Joyce Meyer on the television. I got up, got the remote and turned up the volume. When I did, she said these words, “you do not have to live with guilt. You do not have to live with anger. There is freedom in Jesus Christ. She read 1 John 1:9. She read John 8:36, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed“. She began to pray for those who were bound by guilt. I closed my eyes and prayed with her. “Free me Lord Jesus. Free me”
I heard a voice say, “forgive yourself”. What? Forgive myself? “YES, FORGIVE YOURSELF”. A scripture came to my thoughts, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you”. Matthew 6:14. I knew I had to forgive others, but I never thought about forgiving myself. Lord, help me to forgive myself………..